Do You Know Why You're Angry?

The truth about anger...

Everyone seems to be so angry these days. Angry outbursts are on display frequently for all to see. People get triggered left, right and centre. Yet why are we so angry? There’s a hidden truth about anger that we are often not aware of.

The Root of Anger

Anger can serve us as it propels us to take action and instigate change. When anger becomes habitual however, it is keeping us stuck and in the worst cases it contributes to more pain and even violence. It’s beneficial to express anger in a healthy way, like sports or even creativity, to release the tension and to get to the underlying message that anger is trying to tell us. Otherwise we end up repressing it and this is what can lead to major outbursts further down the line, not to mention ill health. So go ahead and punch that pillow!

Anger is ultimately functioning as a mask. It’s a defence mechanism against a more painful underlying emotion. What is that emotion you ask? It’s sadness. Grief. What is undeniably true, whether we are aware of it or not, is that anger is always accompanied by grief and pain. It’s a lot easier, and it feels more empowering, to be angry than to be sad and to have to face the underlying pain of grief that we carry. What is also true is that unless we address the underlying pain that is causing the anger in the first place, it’s not going away.

Furiously Fuming with a Short Fuse

If you, or someone close to you, is one of those people who struggle with a short fuse, this is a sign that there is healing work to be done. When I look out at the world and see angry reactions abound, I know there is collective wounding that is responsible. Many people have experienced traumas of different kinds and have sadly not had the help and support to heal that they deserve. What we are left with is a collective wounding that is being displayed outwardly as anger. Anger is a powerful and potent force. Certainly not to be messed with. It takes real courage to have the vulnerability, honesty and self-awareness required to address the underlying grief that is making us angry.

Emotional Control

We are emotional beings. We are ruled and driven by our feelings to a large extent. Our power lies in our self-understanding and in being able to effectively express our feelings and to control our emotions. If you listen to someone who is overly emotional and angry, it doesn’t make you feel like you are listening to a powerful person. Why is this? It’s because real power comes from having self-mastery. Self-mastery includes healthy emotional regulation.

We are also not able to think clearly or adopt critical thinking when we are overly emotional. This is because we are acting from our psychological wounding after having been triggered to have an emotional response. This is understandable and we all do this to different degrees throughout life. The journey of life is one of learning to heal and overcome our wounding to lead us into self-mastery. That journey is never easy and it’s different for all of us.

The Anger Trap

If you want to be truly powerful, you have to heal your wounding, and gain mastery over your angry outbursts. When you are easily triggered you are also easily manipulated because you are not in control of your responses. Think about that for a second. Subconsciously, you believe your anger is protecting you from being taken advantage of and from feeling the pain of your unhealed wounding, yet the opposite is in fact true. If you are easily triggered, your anger can be used against you quite effectively.

Any person capable of angering you becomes your master; he can anger you only when you permit yourself to be disturbed by him.

- Epictetus

We see this playing out globally all the time. Groups of people expressing anger for various reasons. This is not only easy to predict, but also to orchestrate. When you react with anger involuntarily and believe that you are standing up for yourself and causes you believe in, be very mindful. Is this anger really making a difference or is it simply reinforcing an unhealthy pattern? Ask yourself if this is really serving you. Are you in control? Are you really? And what is your anger contributing to?

We have to remember that if we want peace, we have to be peace. We have to have healed our wounds so we can contribute powerfully and calmly to making this world a better place. If you are easily angered and manipulated this becomes not only an impossibility, but it further fuels the existing flames.

Forgiveness

Healing is a long road for many. One powerful step we can start practicing is forgiveness. Forgive those who have harmed you. Hurt people are the ones who hurt other people as they say. Holding onto the anger and the pain is only keeping you stuck. It’s yourself you are hurting now. You deserve to be free, happy and at peace. It’s time to feel your grief and start opening up your heart to the world again.

Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do.

- Luke 23:34

Feel the Grief

When we get to this point of finally facing our wounds we may need some support from a therapist or coach of some kind. This is normal. I am a huge believer in therapy and have had therapy and coaching myself. There is no shame in this. Anyone who has the courage to face themselves deeply to heal their wounds and thereby contributing to a better world is a hero in my book!

If you are ready to heal your anger I salute you. Below I have linked a video by Nick Loffree who is a Qigong instructor. Qigong is based on Traditional Chinese Medicine. It brings instant peace and a sense of wellbeing and is also hugely beneficial for emotional regulation of all kinds. This is because our emotions are stored in our bodies and different organs are related to the various emotions. Anger, according to TCM, is stored in the liver.

I invite you to try some Qigong to ease anger and stress below:

If we want to be at peace and contribute powerfully to a better world, we first and foremost have to face ourselves. We must heal our anger by acknowledging the underlying wounding and resulting grief that we have carried for so long. It’s time to forgive and reclaim our peaceful power.

You can do it! ✨

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This piece was previously published in ‘Outside the Therapy Room’. Thank you to Rolando Andrade for featuring my work. Check out Rolando’s publication below:

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