The Power of a Small Circle

Quality always trumps quantity

Dec 10, 2024

For the last few years I have become increasingly picky about who I surround myself with. We get influenced by those closest to us whether we like it or not. If you are not where you want to be in life, you don’t only need to take a good long look in the mirror, you also need to assess who you are surrounding yourself with.

Where Attention Goes, Energy Flows

Our most precious resource is our time. When we give our time and attention to others, we are giving them our energy. This can be in the form of time spent together socialising, but it can also be in the form of sending and receiving messages, replying to voice notes and getting caught up in the world of others. This is all well and good if it is with people who are on a similar trajectory to our own, but if this is not the case, it’s stealing our focus and draining our time and energy.

Everything Has A Season

For the last few years those closest to me have seen me distance myself from friends repeatedly. It’s true that I can be pretty ruthless! I’m not afraid to deliberately shrink my circle. My own growth comes first. Always. This can be done in a loving way. Acknowledging that this friendship has served its purpose and wishing them the best as you embark on your different paths. It can also be downgrading a friendship to more of an acquaintance rather than cutting people out completely. Listen to your inner guidance and remember to be graceful throughout.

What I have found is that the more you grow, the more your circle shrinks. It becomes commonplace to outgrow friends on the regular and to suddenly find that you no longer have much in common. What bound you together in the first place was a mutual understanding based on similar wounding. This can be helpful in order to heal in some ways, yet not necessarily to propel you forwards once the bulk of that healing has taken place. Sometimes we stay connected to people out of loyalty and nothing else. This is not a good reason to keep someone in your life. Ask yourself: if you met this person today, would you be friends? If the answer is no, then it’s probably time to tone down the connection and seek out new people who can meet you where you’re currently at.

Identity Shift

When we are growing, what is also true is that we are outgrowing our old self. We are outgrowing who we have been. This is sometimes not welcomed by our old circle. They know our old self. In many ways they are attached to that version of us more than we are. Sometimes the only way to solidify a new identity is to release those who are not in alignment with who you are becoming. Pay attention to who you are being around different people. Do they bring out the best in you or an outdated version of yourself. Is your best self a match to these people? If not, you need a new circle.

Few vs Many

There’s power in having a small circle. Firstly, if you are being sufficiently selective, having a small circle guarantees that you are maintaining a certain level of quality. This is important as we do become like those we surround ourselves with the most. It also ensures that you are not wasting valuable time on maintaining a multitude of half-hearted connections. That time can be better spent deepening the genuine connections you do have, on optimising your own level of being and building towards your long term vision. You are never going to achieve anything great by behaving like the average Joe and Joanne who has time for everybody (sorry Joe/Joanne!).

Limiting Access

When we have time for everybody we are also signalling that our time is not that valuable. Remember that having access to you is a privilege. When you are not that readily available, your perceived value goes up by default. That’s the law of demand and supply. Not everyone deserves your time and attention. Choose wisely. You also don’t need to share everything with everybody. I am very guilty of having done this in the past. This dilutes the energy of what you are building. Keep things to yourself and your chosen few. Leave others guessing what you’re up to. You have more important things to do. There’s no need to reply to messages instantly. Use an app blocker (I personally use Refocus) and stop getting distracted by incoming messages. Set aside a short time in the morning and evening to respond to messages. Remember that your priority is always on your small circle.

Lifting Each Other Up

The true power of a small circle based on quality and aligned connections is that those people will fuel your vision. They’ll inspire you with their own growth and achievements whilst cheering you on. No dream is too big. They see your potential. They’ll support you through the good, the bad and the ugly, never once doubting you. You share similar visions, values and beliefs. You fully see each other and are therefore able to fully support each other. I’ll take that over outgrown connections any day.

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