Why Silence is the Key to Authenticity
The secret sauce no one is talking about.
Authenticity is such a buzzword these days. We’re all striving to be more authentic. What I’ve realised is that we can only be as authentic as our self-awareness allows. Sadly, authenticity seems to elude most of us as we grow up. I can look back now on the past few years and acknowledge that I wasn’t being fully authentic, even when I thought that I was.
The Trap of False Authenticity
What are the reasons why we lack authenticity? There are many reasons for this. Firstly, society hardly encourages true authenticity. Why? We’re told what to think, how to be and how to conform to society’s expectations. Then there are our immediate surroundings and our social circle. We’re expected to be a certain way around those we surround ourselves with on the regular as well. Ultimately, we are shaped and formed by our surroundings and it can be hard to know where we are being ourselves or where we are actually just conforming to what’s around us, believing this to be a true representation of ourselves and our identity. Yet is this true? This is a trap we all fall into at some point. The trap of false authenticity. Ironic, eh?
Lack of authenticity is a societal disease. If you look around you most people are carbon copies of each other. And if they’re not, it seems they are trying to be. This often stems not only from a lack of authenticity, self-awareness and self-understanding, but a more fundamental lack of self-acceptance. That’s another topic for another article! I believe what we have to understand is that true authenticity is the exception, not the norm. This is because most people never carve out the time to really get to know themselves deeply and, therefore, they cannot be fully authentic. The sad part? They may never know…
Soaking Up the Silence
The truth is that you can only be truly authentic if you have spent a lot of time on your own. Why? Because this is the only space where you can really connect deeply with yourself without outside interference, inadvertently shaping you into a version of yourself that’s not quite in alignment with whom you really are at your core. This is also where the importance of being uber selective about your inner circle comes in. Why is this message rammed down our throats so consistently? It’s because there is real value in that message. Much more than we realise. We really do become a lot like the people we spend a lot of time with. So much so that it can be hard to know where they end and you begin. The only way you can really know yourself and understand yourself is through a solitary exploration of the self.
Authenticity resides in silence. So many people are so uncomfortable in silence. This is a topic that is so dear to me. I wrote an eBook about the importance of silence and surrender (I will share that soon). It’s by soaking up the wisdom that only resides in silence that we can start to become acquainted with our true, authentic, unfiltered self. When you know who you are, what you stand for, what you really think and believe about things undisturbed by outside influences, that’s when you can really step into your authenticity. That’s when you can dare to be fully seen for who you are because you are no longer, consciously or unconsciously, trying to fit into or conform to an expectation or narrative of who you ‘should’ be. You may no longer belong in the groups that you once felt a part of, or your beliefs about things may radically change. They were never yours to begin with.
There is no evolution, spiritual, psychological or otherwise, without a regular, substantial dose of silence!
Hege Kristoffersen
The only thing that has allowed me to step more into my authenticity has been embracing a quiet solitude and increasing the amount of time I spent by myself away from other people and society. This has made me aware of where I was acting and behaving out of a lack of authenticity in the past and where I now find myself on the path of true authenticity and therefore also, authentic expression. The takeaway? Get still to get real. The world needs it, now more than ever. Otherwise, we’re stuck in very boring territory of sameness. Let’s add some of our unique sparkle through developing our authenticity. That certainly makes everything much more interesting. Don’t you think?
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Wonderful article
Thank you for exploring this subject and putting into words. About half a decade ago, when I started exploring sitting in silence, it was real painful. I wanted to make a phone call to a friend, a business associate, make a cup of coffee or visit restroom before sit down. Slowly, I started to find myself. It has been a tremendous journey that I am grateful I took it. Today, spending time in solitude has become a nourishing routine for me, just like breath, water and food. My solo travel to Nordic countries this month, helped me find myself even more.