Modern Feminism Has Failed Us
Feminism has turned toxic...
Female empowerment is a topic that seems to be everywhere these days. Don’t get me wrong, I’m all here for it. Yet what I have seen feminism become is not at all empowering to women. Feminism, which was supposed to be about equality of the sexes, has sadly turned into something entirely different.
Search for Equality
Women are tired of not being free, of having to be ruled over by men who don’t treat us with the respect we deserve. This is what led to the feminist uprising in the first place. As a woman who has had a difficult relationship with the masculine, no one understands this more than I do. Yet as is often the case with themes of the collective, it can mirror quite accurately those of interpersonal relationships.
We can therefore draw a parallel between an abusive relationship between a man and a woman and that of the relationship between men and women on a larger scale. What happens to victims of abuse? That varies from person to person, yet we know that, on occasion, those who have been abused end up becoming abusers themselves. It’s the reversal of the roles which gives the victim a sense of control.
Needless to say, this is equally toxic and is ultimately a trauma response. This is unfortunately what we are seeing playing out to an extent amongst some feminist groups. Everything is blamed on the patriarchy and with it, all men. Blaming men is not the answer. Some women now seem to want to be deemed superior to men. That’ll show them! Yet this is a faulty defence mechanism leading us nowhere.
Male vs Female
As we have searched for equality, it’s now becoming clear that though a lot of progress has been made, there’s a fundamental misunderstanding around men and women that has underpinned the entire feminist movement. Yes, men and women are equal in value, yet we have different strengths and weaknesses. This has been completely ignored. In women’s attempt to free themselves and find equality, we have abandoned our very nature. Trying to BE like men is not the answer. We can never become empowered through seeking to be like something we are not.
In the 80s, fashion statements like the shoulder pads coincided with the desire for women to excel in the workplace. Broad shoulders was the answer apparently. Who else has broad shoulders? Oh yes, that’s right! Men!
We don’t have to pretend to be like men to excel in the workplace. I know what you’re thinking, it was just fashion! Sure, but there’s a deeper underlying message there which is reinforcing the idea that equality comes through copying and becoming more like the other gender. That’s not female empowerment.
Sexual Liberation
Another example of this is the sexual liberation movement. Women wanted to be free and thought they could also enjoy casual sex, no strings attached! Just like men. The feminist movement, rather than empowering the feminine, seemed to work hard to make women more like men. What is wrong with women having casual sex and being promiscuous? Nothing if that’s what women really want. Yet I don’t believe this is what 99% of women want. Are there exceptions? Sure, there always are, but I believe most women, myself included, don’t gain anything from casual sex. We want more. We want emotional safety and trust with one partner. We want a real connection, we want commitment. That’s what we all really want. Deep down we know this.
Women are hardwired to bond emotionally to a man after sex in a way that men are not. It means less to them. That’s generally the case. This is for biological reasons due to the risk of pregnancy, women needed to bond to the man in order for him to provide for the mother and child. Men needed to spread their seed. Granted, even though that may not be the case today, we are still wired this way. Sex is an emotional and spiritual act. As women, we have a duty to safeguard the emotional and spiritual aspects of life. If we fail to safeguard sex, we are not only letting ourselves down by settling for less than we deserve, we are also letting the collective down and ironically, the very essence of the feminine.
Self-Rejection
Underpinning the feminist movement there is ironically this rejection of the feminine essence. By wanting to be more like men, and therefore by extension, less like women, we have rejected our own nature. Why do we do this? Many see feminine qualities as inferior or less worthy. Yet is this really true? I believe we are just as powerful as men. Men know this. We have a power that they don’t have. We are givers of life and we are deeply connected to the divine, the spiritual and the emotional. This is nothing to be scoffed at. The spiritual is more real than this temporary, physical existence.
We look not to the things that are seen but to the things that are unseen. For the things that are seen are transient, but the things that are unseen are eternal.
- 2 Corinthians 4:18
Trauma Response
Why have men mistreated women in the first place? I believe the real problem here is that both of us, men and women, have underlying trauma. Men have ironically not felt empowered within themselves which is what led to the oppression of women in the first place. Toxic masculinity is a real thing. Yet not all men suffer from this, thankfully and we can’t judge all men here. The task of men is to feel empowered enough within themselves not to be threatened by the feminine. This will allow the feminine to feel safe in its innate essence and women wouldn’t feel the need to ‘become like men’ in order to feel empowered. That’s not sustainable and it’s not real female empowerment.
True empowerment will come when both sexes can flourish and feel deeply empowered within themselves and their unique characteristics. Men and women are different and that’s as it should be. It’s a beautiful thing, because neither of us are perfect or complete without the other. We complement each other and support each other. That’s how it should be.
Sometimes, in order to find balance, we have to go to the opposite extreme to be able to come to a healthy equilibrium.
Where do we go from here?
As both sexes heal within themselves, we can come together in a healthier way, where we allow men to thrive as men and women to thrive as women. That doesn’t mean we have to revert back to the old. Women can still work and I believe it’s important for women to be financially independent. But we can start by no longer denying our very nature, our real desires and our innate power. That’s female empowerment. ✨
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yeah I really really don't want to have to act like a man to be successful or treated respectfully. i want to be respected within my feminine power for feminine qualities. I don't think treating woman equally as men is saying that men and women are exactly the same. there's a lot of feminine qualities like empathy and listening that make women really effective leaders and strategists, for example.
really loved how you framed this and in total agreement. may we show our soft, nurturing, vulnerable, and fierce parts whoever you are. the rise of the feminine isn't to push down the masculine energies. it's about balancing what was out of balance.