To Be Honest…
Why I haven't had the courage to be my true self...
We all strive for honesty, authenticity and truth. Yet most of us, if we’re going to be fully transparent, are not fully authentic. We hold ourselves back from expressing ourselves truthfully. This is becoming even more of a trend with cancel culture. We are scared to express ourselves, be vulnerable, speak our truth. What if we are not accepted for who we truly are? What if we are ostracised or excluded? What if there is no one around us who can fully see us in all our unique glory? This is a trap many of us fall into, myself included.
Let me share why I haven’t had the courage to be my true self.
Heal Yourself to Find Oneself
Before we can truthfully express ourselves, we need to heal ourselves to find ourselves. A large part of this also comes down to emotional and psychological healing. If you are operating subconsciously from trauma (as I was) you do not yet know your true essence and where you fit in. You will be subconsciously drawn to people who are operating from a similar trauma. This is not necessarily such a good thing. Heal yourself as much as possible so you can find what the healed you resonates with and believes in.
Personally I ended up being around people with very different beliefs, values and lifestyles but similar traumas. Looking back I can only describe them as lost, yet normal (It’s pretty normal to be lost it seems!). We came together because I was equally lost. It’s not easy to be yourself around people who are very different so inadvertently I ended up moulding myself in order to not stand out too much. I always had an icky feeling like I didn’t truly belong and couldn’t be fully seen. This went on for years.
It was easy for me to fall into this trap as I have never really fitted in most places. I can’t be easily labelled or put in a box. I resisted being different. Therefore I tried to be more ‘normal’ to get a sense of belonging. Now I know that being different and unique is my super power. The last thing I want now is to be ‘normal’!
Normality is a paved road. It’s comfortable to walk, but no flowers grow on it.
Vincent Van Gogh
Once in a while I would meet people who I fully connected with. What a relief! They exist! Slowly as I became more empowered I removed myself from people in my inner circle who were not a good fit for who I truly am. As we become stronger in who we really are, our new tribe will find us. Quality over quantity.
Stay Neutral
We need to reconnect to our own truth and trust it deeply. Until we have done this it’s better to stay relatively neutral and observe the world and those around you. Don’t get too involved in anything or taking any sides, expressing any opinions or beliefs. It’s a good idea to do as much research as you can independently and quietly. Don’t tell everyone what you’re up to. This is your chance to do research on anything that interests you and go within to listen to your intuition and inner knowing. You’ll know what resonates with you.
In this area too I fell short in the past. I hadn’t yet healed or reconnected with myself enough to know what I really believed. So once again, in order not to stand out like a sore thumb, I nodded and agreed with those around me. It was the easy choice.
In retrospect I have discovered that some of those people who influenced my opinions at the time, had adopted those opinions from someone else. In other words, it wasn’t even their own opinion. Many people who passionately proclaim their beliefs and opinions are really just speaking on behalf of someone who’s convinced them of what to believe. The one with the strongest conviction always wins and influences those with less conviction or a lack of a sense of self.
Why did I conform to playing small and to shrink myself around these people? To be honest it was twofold. Firstly because I wasn’t yet strong enough in myself to know myself and to be able to express my truth. I hadn’t healed enough or found my inner strength. I needed time. Secondly, I knew on some level that the healed, authentic, empowered and truthful version of myself would not be accepted by those people. Therefore I held on, out of loyalty, out of fear.
Now, I choose myself. Now I am no longer afraid. Now I embrace all that I am, all that I believe and all that I am capable of. Now I choose to surround myself only with those who can fully see me and who are at my level spiritually. Now I am ready express myself truthfully at last. Now I rise.
Will you join me?
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Hege: Wonderful "message"....expressing who you are is freedom in yourself. You have opened up too your readers; your reward is self admiration.
I admire that quality in anyone and everyone....Thanks for sharing....✅
I am already a part of this magnificent movement. I have experienced similar to what you experienced in the yore, Hege. My biggest challenge was to be authentic and expressive to self, but now I have started discovering,unraveling, exploring and unearthing myself which is bound to help me inmyriad significant ways. Thank you, Hege.