What the world needs now is …for you to accept yourself!
It's time to look in the mirror.
We certainly do still need more love in the world like Burt Bacharach so rightfully wrote in his famous song in the 60s. However, this seems a very simplified version of a deeper message. Is love really the answer? Perhaps. Until we learn to radically accept ourselves, love, in all its forms, might be quite hard to come by!
Self-Love
Never have we had more access to information on personal growth and self love than these days. Yet self-acceptance seems to be a less popular topic though surely, it is the source of genuine self love. For how can you love something if you don’t fully accept it?
It seems very obvious that there is a lack of self-acceptance across the board in our world today. Everyone seems to be trying to change themselves or to conform to what they think they should be in order to be accepted by others. Ironic? I think so! Whether it’s getting lip fillers deluxe (no judgement, just observing) or agreeing with opinions or statements that we don’t really align with in order to not seem too different or to rock the boat, it seems the majority of us are still hiding aspects of ourselves that we deem to be ‘unacceptable’ in order to feel a sense of belonging or to ‘get somewhere’. Where exactly do we think this is getting us?
Perfection
The other day I had a comment on social media by someone who suggested I should make a change to my face. To make it more ‘perfect’ I presume. A few years ago, this would have upset me, but now it doesn’t because I don’t feel the need to change myself. Why? I accept myself as I am. Flaws and all. I don’t believe we came here to be perfect. Perfection doesn’t exist and is the definition of fake. I don’t believe we need more fake in the world. That we can do without! Acceptance on the other hand is sorely needed. It’s time that we learn to accept ourselves fully; the good, the bad and the ugly. The shadows and the light.
When we buy into this narrative of perfection we are fundamentally misunderstanding the laws of nature. Life isn’t perfect. It’s beautifully messy as it should be. If it was perfect what would be the point in us even being here? Surely we came here to grow, to evolve, to expand in consciousness. How can you evolve or expand something that is already perfect? It’s impossible. And isn’t perfection, or the attempt to achieve it or be perceived as such, not only a sign of a complete lack of self-acceptance, but more deeply a fundamental misunderstanding of human nature and the human condition? Perfection is also pretty boring. It’s not an interesting concept. What’s more interesting is learning about the contrasts within our psyche, how we balance the light and the dark aspects of ourselves. How we learn to understand those conflicting aspects and to continually dance with them.
Facing Our Subconscious
If we want a world with more love, let us start with self-acceptance. Become your own master. For you cannot fully contribute to peace or love if you have not radically accepted yourself first. You will not be able to love what you don’t accept, nor will you be able to extend love to others. It will always be tainted by your needs to find the acceptance you’re seeking from within yourself. You will be indirectly trying to ‘take’ in order to feel accepted. Even if this will be on a subconscious level it will prevent you from really coming from a loving and giving place.
Until you make the unconscious conscious it will rule your life and you will call it fate.
- Carl Jung
If you wonder whether you have accepted yourself, ask yourself where you are trying to change yourself or where you are trying to control how you are being perceived and whether this matches who you really are at your core.
So before we proclaim the importance of self-love, which I don’t dispute in the slightest, let us make sure we actually accept ourselves fully as we are first. We don’t need to be perfect, we just need to know, understand, and most importantly, deeply feel that we are good enough and that we don’t need to change ourselves in order to feel good about ourselves. Our value is inherent, permanent and unalterable. Let’s start giving ourselves what we seek from others. That way, we may actually contribute to something real and meaningful whilst we’re here. Accept yourself to love yourself.
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I'm glad you wrote about self-acceptance, Hege, a topic near and dear to my heart. You eloquently described what self-acceptance looks like and how it differs from self-love, which we tend to hear more about. As you write, they are different and both valid.
Such a needed article, Hege! Thank you!